Analysis of an Issue- MGMAT Cat #2

[cindyqtran]

Can you please give me a score on the essay as well? Thanks!

"Since key personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one’s childhood and youth, formal training can only refine rather than cultivate true leaders."

Explain what you think this quotation means and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with it. Develop your position with reasons and/or specific examples drawn from history, current events, or your own experience, observations, or reading.

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Even though some people are born to be leaders, it does not necessarily mean that leadership cannot be attained through experience and and formal training at later stages of life.

People are born into the world learning from the experiences around them. It can be inferred that people who are outgoing grew up having many people around them, and people who are shy did not have much human interaction, but this might have a reverse affect. For example, an outgoing child might feel comfortable in with a large group of people, but not necessary feel that he has an intimate relationship with anyone from the group. Because of this, he will feel that he does not belong, and not become a leader in that group.

People may not be born with the characteristic of a leader, such as organization, speaking, or motivation skills, but these traits can be obtained through experience. Great leaders are usually the ones that are great team players at the beginning. In many corporate company culture, there exist a hierarchy, separating the entry-level worker from the CEO. The entry-level will not have as much leadership experience as the CEO, but through years of working as a team member of the company, he will learn how to handle disputes between his co-workers, therefore giving him the the quality of a true leader. Therefore the entry-level worker, who shows that he is a great time member at the beginning instead of a leader, can develop into a great leader in the future.

Most of the time, it is not hard to distinguish a child or youth with leadership potential, and formal training can help him become a better leader. On the other hand, a person might never had the opportunity to portray his leadership skills as a child. This does not automatically negate that he does not have the potential to be a great leader. The person was not raised in an environment where leadership skills was important. For example, in Japan, young students are evaulated by how well their group of classmates are performing. If their team is successful, each student will be praised. Students are evaluated by how well their team does, not individually, therefore, it is difficult to see whether a child portrays leadership in this environment or not. This does not mean that Japan does not raise great leaders. With formal training and the experience of working in teams, these Japanese students are able to see display their leadership skills.

Many factors affect the process of creating great leaders. Even though some children show signs of great leadership at an early age, it does not necessarily mean that other children cannot learn how to be leaders when they are older. Leadership should be attained through experience with working with others, not only from experiences during childhood.

[cindyqtran]

can you please grade this plz? thanks! :)

[JadranLee]

This one's better than your last one - maybe a 4.5 on this one and a 2.5 on the last one.

Comments on this one: use signpost words to let the reader know how your ideas and examples fit together. Watch out for the typos and verbal slips (in boldface below) - give yourself 5 minutes to proofread at end. Use specific examples.

Can you please give me a score on the essay as well? Thanks!

"Since key personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one’s childhood and youth, formal training can only refine rather than cultivate true leaders."

Explain what you think this quotation means and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with it. Develop your position with reasons and/or specific examples drawn from history, current events, or your own experience, observations, or reading.

----

Even though some people are born to be leaders [really? this seems like a big assumption. You could say "may be" rather than "are", or say something to justify the "are"], it does not necessarily mean that leadership cannot be attained through experience and and formal training at later stages of life. [In the intro, explain how you understand the issue statement, and then explain how your view relates to that statement. Here the reader is left to draw her own connection.]

People are born into the world learning from the experiences around them. It can be inferred that people who are outgoing grew up having many people around them, and people who are shy did not have much human interaction, but this [antecedent unclear] might have a reverse affect. For example, an outgoing child might feel comfortable in with a large group of people, but not necessary feel that he has an intimate relationship with anyone from the group. Because of this, he will feel that he does not belong, and not become a leader in that group. [Try to use specific examples. This part about "an outgoing child" sounds like a generalization. So does the discussion of CEOs in the next paragraph.]

People may not be born with the characteristic[s] of a leader, such as organization, speaking, or motivation skills, but these traits can be obtained through experience. Great leaders are usually the ones that are great team players at the beginning [again, this feels like a bold statement presented without evidence]. In many corporate company culture, there exist a hierarchy, separating the entry-level worker from the CEO. The entry-level will not have as much leadership experience as the CEO, but through years of working as a team member of the company, he will learn how to handle disputes between his co-workers, therefore giving him the the quality of a true leader. Therefore the entry-level worker, who shows that he is a great time member at the beginning instead of a leader, can develop into a great leader in the future.

Most of the time, it is not hard to distinguish a child or youth with leadership potential [again, this feels like a bold statement presented without evidence], and formal training can help him become a better leader. On the other hand, a person might never had the opportunity to portray[wrong word] his leadership skills as a child. This does not automatically negate [wrong word]that he does not ["negate that...not" is a double negative] have the potential to be a great leader. The person was not raised in an environment where leadership skills was important. For example, in Japan, young students are evaulated by how well their group of classmates are performing. If their team is successful, each student will be praised. Students are evaluated by how well their team does, not individually, therefore, it is difficult to see whether a child portrays [wrong word] leadership in this environment or not [don't say "or not" after "whether"]. This does not mean that Japan does not raise great leaders. With formal training and the experience of working in teams, these Japanese students are able to see display their leadership skills.

Many factors affect the process of creating great leaders. Even though some children show signs of great leadership at an early age, it does not necessarily mean that other children cannot learn how to be leaders when they are older. Leadership should be attained through experience with working with others, not only from experiences during childhood. Conclusion should recap the points you've made in body.