Can somebody rate my essays in Analysis of Argument section?

[vasha9]

Analysis of Argument ---

#1
ESSAY QUESTION:The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
My RESPONSE: The argument assumes that the immigrant workers are unskilled or is at least putting forth only such evidence. What if the immigrant workers belong to the skilled labor pool?
Further the argument states that to protect the local economy, a moratorium should be placed. However, it doesn't explain how the local economy can be protected by such an action.
This may have an effect on the size of the skilled labor in the city. In such an event, the local economy may be harmed rather than protected because it may not be able to compete with other places offering competitive services/ products.
The argument should first produce data on the actual size of skilled v/s unskilled immigrant workers, that entered the community in the past five years. Then, it should compare the wage levels in both types of workforce. Additionally the effect of the moratorium on the local economy should be analyzed from both the types of workforce too.

#2
ESSAY QUESTION:The following appeared in a science magazine:

"The "Space Race" of the 1960’s between the USA and Russia was very expensive but it yielded a tremendous number of technological advances. These advances have provided many economic and humanitarian benefits. The benefits have more than paid for the effort and money spent during the Space Race and therefore the government should make allowances within the budget to pay for a manned Mars landing by 2020."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
My RESPONSE: It is absolutely true that the "Space Race" yielded tremendous number of technological advances especially in the areas of wireless communications, computer science, internet, etc. However, like other scientific developments, these too came for a price.
The argument states that the advances provided many economic and humanitarian benefits, but stops short of listing the evils, that accompanied the "Space Race". When the government is allocating enormous resources in terms of budget for such programs, the other areas of social development like education, health, welfare, etc. don't gain enough share. This leads to imbalance in the short-term period as the general population and its needs are ignored.
In such times, only a few segments of the population enjoy these so-called benefits. The money invested in such programs is recouped in the long run but that can be drained away if the society is unwell in terms of health, less educated or resentful.
Additionally, the argument ignores the fact that the 1960's were followed by a recession of the late 1980's and early 1990's, which in part was due to this "Space Race". After having accomplished its objectives these programs could not sustain the early high growth rates and thus led to closure or consolidation of many companies within the defence/ aerospace industries, affecting hordes of employees via mass layoffs.
There are many other avanues to initiate such technological advances for the human benefit such as granting funds and aids to universities or research laboratories. Their baby-step advances collectively can lead to big leaps without crimping the budget of other necessary programs.

#3
ESSAY QUESTION:The following appeared in an article in a medical journal: "The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

My RESPONSE: The conclusion in the argument above is based upon the singular premise of poor nutrition. Although this may be a contributing factor it wouldn't be absolutely correct to single out as the only factor. There may be other factors besides poor nutrition responsible for adult-onset diabetes.
It is quite possible that in certain cases the disease is related to heredity while in some others it may be latent and only diagnosed later in adult stages.
The argument further relates the lack of nutrition to lack of government control over quality of cheap foods. This again is generalization and hence, false. The government in most cases does specify the minimum quality standards of foods.
However, by requiring inclusion of vitamins and minerals in foods the prices of such items may increase, eventually leading the customers to abstain from such foods. Thus, by trying to coerce the consumers into eating healthy foods, the government may end up alienating them from such items.

I think the argument can be strengthened by showing a correlation between the prices of food and their accompanying quality and then presenting facts about the purchasing habits of people and the corresponding rate of diabetes.

In its present form the argument seems one-sided. Hence the conclusion doesn't seem well-reasoned.

#4
ESSAY QUESTION:The following appeared in a memo to executives at a company that manufactures industrial equipment:

"We are spending too much on free customer service after a sale has been made; we need to limit our warranty to two years in order to improve our profit margins. The current lifetime warranty can lead to costs decades into a product's life cycle. Also, we pay our customer service employees a premium because they must possess expert skills across the entirety of our very diverse product line, including products we no longer sell."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
My RESPONSE: The argument is making a direct correlation between good customer service and low profit margins.

Usually it is the opposite i.e. good customer service leads to improved profit margins because a satisfied customer generally comes back to the same vendor for more business in future. However, the argument states that in this case the free customer service is draining away company's profits.

The argument cites two specific examples in this regard.
The first states that lifetime warranty on products leads the company to fulfill any customer's expectations even if the product is very old. Instead, the memo suggests, the company should limit their warranty to two years only.
But the argument doesn't take into account the possibility that may be customers are buying the products, in the first place, because of their lifetime warranty. By reducing the warranty period the company might turn away such customers forever and this will eventually lead to lower profits.

The second example is an extension of the first in that it states that customer service employees are paid a premium to satisfy the customers and this again causes a drain on the profit margins.
This point does have merit when the returns on product sales are compared to the lifetime of the product, such cases can turn into lingering liabilities.

The company should inquire from their customers about the primary reaosns for their purchase of the company's products. If lifetime warranty and good customer service do figure as the significant factors in their decisions, then the company should investigate other avenues for improving profit margins.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi - please see the sticky at the top of this thread - we no longer grade essays for free. You can submit two essays via our web site to be graded for a fee, or you can post here and hope to get feedback from other posters. Good luck!

[cindy2008]

Please review the Sample essay rated 6 in the Official Guide (11th Edition)-p. 734. You need to have an introduction which outlines your points, then you need to develop each point, then summarize your points with a conclusion. Try to use "transition" words to clearly show the relationship between paragraphs. You should aim for more specificity and organization of your contentions.

I just took the GMAT few days ago and I did not practice any essays since I write for a living (legal writing)--I noticed that under a timed situation, I just could not think of enough details to fill in the outline (SEE BELOW)
-NOW I AM GOING TO PRACTICE MORE ESSAYS FOR THE RE-TEST

I. Introduction
II. Point 1/Argument 1/Contention 1
A. Subpoint 1
B. Subpoint 2
III. Point 2
III. Point 3
IV. Conclusion
GOOD LUCK

[StaceyKoprince]

Thanks for the suggestions, Cindy.

I'll also let you guys know: I never use more than 2 examples and I always get 6's. So don't get sucked into thinking you must provide 3 examples by the OG's sample essays. If you can think of two good ones and write well about them, that's enough!