Can this be a 6 grade Essay..??

[HarshitA395]

“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.”

My Essay........

The argument states that since Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, population has decreased and unemployment rate increased, two business have closed for each new one, and then comparing it with Varro’s term when unemployment rate decreased and the population increased and concludes to replace Montoya with Varro as a Mayor. Clearly, it seems that the conclusion is based non assessed information, and premature analysis about the actual situation, so the argument doesn't sound convincing at all, and without any strong facts in support, the conclusion is baseless.
First, the author blamed Montoya for the decrease in population then charged him with increase in unemployment rate also, the author should have acknowledged that decrease in population of any city is a ‘Long-Term cause and effect’, since Montoya has been in office for last 4 years, he cannot be blamed for an after-effect(population decrease) for possible causes happened before this term. It could be the population management strategies of his predecessor(Varro) due to which population has started decreasing now. There’s been no mention of the population strategies used before his term and which is used now by Montoya , and without any proper assessment between them , the claim of the author in the argument becomes weak.
Secondly, the increase in unemployment rate has a same “Long-Term cause and effect” status which we have discussed earlier. Author again failed to mention key details about the economic strategies complied by the two, and even if we go by the fact that unemployment rate has been increased during Montoya’s term, it points a question on his predecessor strategies but not at him. Also, unemployment has a significant relation with population, if the rate of population increase is greater than employment rate, then it could possibly lead to Unemployment, these key details are also absent in the argument, which further weakens the author conclusion.
Thirdly, author has mentioned that “Two businesses have closed in comparison to one new business” and it’s also Montoya’s failure as a strategist which has resulted in this situation. Here, the author’s fails to mention the reasons behind this situation.., Why the Businesses closed?, Whether the strategy of the Mayor is the reason behind?, Is it the national situation or only San Perdito market is facing this problem? And if this situation is Universal, then why the author is blaming Montoya’s economic strategies to be the reason after it?, None of these questions has been answered in the argument without which it is difficult to assess in favor of the author’s conclusion to replace Montoya with Varro’s leadership.
In conclusion, the argument is baseless without any proper facts to support it. Author has assessed Montoya’s leadership on current situation without even looking into the possible reasons behind it, which could have been originated in Varro’s term. At the end , the conclusion to replace Montoya with Varro's leadership seem baseless and hence inconclusive.



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