Fellow GMAT Students--Need Your Help

[mike2bb]

Hi all,
I am a Manhattan GMAT student taking the test this upcoming weekend. I have been avoiding dealing with the AWA section, but now I've gotta get on top of my shiz. Here are two essays I wrote in the 30 minute time-frame. If any of you have any advice I'd really appreciate it(is my work terrible, ok, great?) Is there anything you would change about my arguments or style? Also, if you have time to just read one of the essays or one of the paragraphs, I'd be very thankful. Thanks a bunch.


Despite the convenience of distance learning and online educational programs, they will never replace in-class instruction."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

As the prominence of web-based programs, such as Twitter and Facebook, increases and these technologies become a major form of social interaction, it is only natural that similar web based "distance learning and online education programs" will gain some popularity. However, despite the convenience and possible discounts of online educational programs, for various reasons they will never replace in-class instruction.

As a recent graduate from an in-class institution, I can attest to the fact that my learning experience was much more than a series of seminars. Although, I did get some value from large lecture hall settings with little peer interaction, the majority of my educational value came from interactions with groups of academically diverse peers. By working alongside a diverse student population, I was able to improve my communication and team work skills. If I had attended an online educational program, I would not have developed these traits, which are necessary in nearly any workplace.

Furthermore, a major aspect of any educational experience is networking. Countless entrepreneurs have used the classroom to meet business partners. Also, many graduates of in-class educational institutions later call upon their peers for important guidance and connections. In a distance learning program, students won’t be afforded these valuable benefits; opportunities for entrepeneurship and career advancement will be missed.

To conclude, despite the convenience and savings an online educational program could potentially offer, a lack of valuable interaction and networking opportunities will hinder the ability of "distance learning" techniques to replace in-class instruction.
The In-class style of education teaches students how to manage diversity and gives these students access to peers who are fundamental to the valuable networking process.



ESSAY 2

Analyze Argument

Company X's latest model of digital camera to be released next month, the TR12, is being promoted as the most portable, user-friendly digital camera available, and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims, because Company X's previous model, the TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year."



In the statement, the author expects the TR12 to be the most portable and user-friendly camera available and also a bargain. His claims are derived from the success of Company X’s previous product, the TR11, in these same categories. It is clear that the author of this statement has failed to fully cite logical evidence to back his conclusion.

The author’s argument relies on a number of unstated underlying assumptions. The first of which is that, in the year since the TR11 came out, a competing company has not released a new "standard setting" camera. Furthermore, if another company has recently launched a more portable camera, the author’s assertion, which uses the word "most" to describe the TR12’s portability would be incorrect.

Secondly, the author could improve his statement by mentioning how Company X has improved its TR12 model. If Company X hasn’t improved upon the TR11 to create the TR12, then the TR12 cannot be the most user friendly or portable option on the market. If this were the case, the TR12 would be equal to the TR11 in these categories.

To make the argument more logically sound, the author should also emphasize that Company X has not changed its strategy of manufacturing "standard setting" products. It is possible that in an attempt to create a more affordable product, Company X will not focus on the portability or user-friendly nature of the TR12.

In Conclusion, the author’s argument that the TR12 will further a trend of "standard setting" started by the TR12 is feasible. However, to determine whether the author is correct in these assumptions, one would need more information to fill various logical gaps.

[mike2bb]

I really need all your help...I just turned in my two free graded essays and got a 4 and 4.25. I've been scoring really well on Quant and Verbal and don't want my AWA to ruin my gmat score.

[hitesh.the.game]

I am no expert, but still would like to give my 2 cents.

In analysis of issue -

1) Your essay only emphasizes one point in favour of your opinion - that you get to meet people in in-class instruction. I think you should think of more points.

2) In the paragraph which talks about networking, you can give some examples of successful entrepreneurs who came to know each other in a university or college - such as sergey and larry of Google. Or you can cite your own such experience if you have.

Hope that helps!

[StaceyKoprince]

Hitesh, thanks for helping out.

FYI: instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details). But I certainly hope other community members respond as well.

This article may help you with essays:
http://www.manhattangmat.com/articles/ace-essays.cfm

Also, for others reading this, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get essays graded by GMAT Write (the official essay grading service from the makers of the exam) - they'll both grade the essays and provide feedback as to how to improve (for a fee). For details and pricing, go to www.mba.com and search for GMAT Write.