Hi!
Could you please grade and comment on my analyze the argument essay? My test is next Saturday and I would love some feedback to see how I'm doing. Thank you so much!
-Sarah
TOPIC:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"If the paper from every morning edition of the nations' largest newspaper were collected and rendered into paper pulp that the newspaper could reuse, about 5 million trees would be saved each year. This kind of recycling is unnecessary, however, since the newspaper maintains its own forests to ensure an uninterrupted supply of paper."
MY RESPONSE
The argument states that it is unnecessary for the nation's largest newspaper to recycle its daily morning edition
newspapers, even though it would save 5 million trees each year. The basis for this argument is that the newspaper
maintains its own forests to ensure an uninterrupted supply of paper. Although one can argue that this is true,
the argument lacks evidence to support it.
First, the author states that the newspaper maintains its own forest to ensure an uninterrupted supply of paper. This
assumes that there will be no natural disasters such as forest fires, tsunamis, hurricanes, etc. to wipe out the
newspaper's forests. If for some reason the newspaper's forests were destroyed, the newpaper would
have no other source of paper to print its daily morning newspapers on. As an alternative, the newspaper could
print on recylced paper, making the act of recycling very necessary and useful. If the author provided evidence that
the newspaper's forests were located in a geopgraphical area with minimal natural disasters, or even provided evidence
the newspaper had a backup forest as a source for paper in the case that their forest could not provide paper for their
newspaper, his argument would be strengthed.
Second, the author states that the newspaper has a source of paper and it is sufficient for its morning
circulations. This assumes that paper supply is the only reason for recycling. This argument ignores any environmental
impacts that many would argue are necessary, especially if 5 million trees are saved each year. If the author provided an
environmental report with evidence that 5 million trees per year was environmentally insignificant, his argument that
recycling is unnecessary would be bolstered.
Because of the lack of evidence presented, it is not possible to prove that recycling is unnecessary. Because the author did not substantiate by evidence that its source of paper is stable, and that the environmental impacts of not recycling are minimal," then it is not logically possible to reach such a conclusion.
GMAT Forum
4 postsPage 1 of 1
- sarah1515
- sarah1515
Source of Question
Sorry! Forgot to mention that this is on page 777 of The Official Guide for GMAT Review 11th Edition, Section 10.9 Analytical Writing Assessment Analysis of an Argument Sample Topics
- dbernst
- ManhattanGMAT Staff
- Posts: 300
- Joined: Mon May 09, 2005 9:03 am
Sarah,
This is a very well-developed Analysis of an Argument essay. In your intro, you restated the author's conclusion and clearly chose a side while acknowledging the "other" side, you included two persuasive body paragraphs, and you tied your conclusion back to your "flaws." Thus, you would definitely receive a score well above the mean. To enhance this response, I have one major suggestion and then a few less significant thoughts.
Big picture: If possible and time permitting, try to include three "flaws" rather than two in you Argument essay. Though two is certainly sufficient to receive a score that is more than acceptable, three will provide much better odds that a grader will consider scores in the 5 to 6 range. Another "flaw" from this argument might address that the argument only mentions the morning edition of the paper, but never relates whether these private forests provide sufficient paper to produce all editions. A fourth potential "flaw," though more of a stretch, is that this paper, as the largest paper in the country, might significantly influence (or perhaps even own) other smaller papers. Thus, engaging in and then publicizing a recycling campaign might compel other papers that do not have "uninterrupted paper supplies" to do the same.
Little picture: Rather than assuming that the author is a "he," write from a gender-neutral perspective. With a subjective evaluation you never can be certain what will cause a grader will take offense. Additionally, use nouns rather than ambiguous pronouns while making your claims. For example, the final sentence of your introduction states Although one can argue that this is true, the argument lacks evidence to support it. These two pronoun were somewhat ambiguous and thus undermined the clarity of one of your essay's most important sentences.
Aside from that, great job! You obviously write well, and thus shouldn't be overly concerned with the AWA portion of the GMAT.
-dan
This is a very well-developed Analysis of an Argument essay. In your intro, you restated the author's conclusion and clearly chose a side while acknowledging the "other" side, you included two persuasive body paragraphs, and you tied your conclusion back to your "flaws." Thus, you would definitely receive a score well above the mean. To enhance this response, I have one major suggestion and then a few less significant thoughts.
Big picture: If possible and time permitting, try to include three "flaws" rather than two in you Argument essay. Though two is certainly sufficient to receive a score that is more than acceptable, three will provide much better odds that a grader will consider scores in the 5 to 6 range. Another "flaw" from this argument might address that the argument only mentions the morning edition of the paper, but never relates whether these private forests provide sufficient paper to produce all editions. A fourth potential "flaw," though more of a stretch, is that this paper, as the largest paper in the country, might significantly influence (or perhaps even own) other smaller papers. Thus, engaging in and then publicizing a recycling campaign might compel other papers that do not have "uninterrupted paper supplies" to do the same.
Little picture: Rather than assuming that the author is a "he," write from a gender-neutral perspective. With a subjective evaluation you never can be certain what will cause a grader will take offense. Additionally, use nouns rather than ambiguous pronouns while making your claims. For example, the final sentence of your introduction states Although one can argue that this is true, the argument lacks evidence to support it. These two pronoun were somewhat ambiguous and thus undermined the clarity of one of your essay's most important sentences.
Aside from that, great job! You obviously write well, and thus shouldn't be overly concerned with the AWA portion of the GMAT.
-dan
- sarah1515
Thanks!
Thanks so much for the feedback Dan! I will definitely take your suggestions and apply them to the test next week! Have a great rest of the weekend and thanks again!
4 posts Page 1 of 1